Last night's trip to the Ho'Depot:
Jane wants just one bucket of joint compound so she can finish her drywalling duties. Homer tags along to 'show her a few things.'
Homer: These are the switchplates that I like. What do you think?
Jane: I don't think they're the look we're going for. What about these?
Homer: Well... yeah.... or....
This is where Homer spies something on Jane's face, then actually licks his thumb and tries to wipe it off!! Like a Grandma in church!!!
Jane wraps her scarf around her face and apologizes to the gentleman over by the switches, whose ears appear to be inflamed from her colorful language. Jane wonders when he snuck into the aisle.
Homer picks out 3 or 4 different switchplates and appears ready to launch into a protracted speech on the virtues of each one. Jane walks off in a daze.
Homer catches up and detours her through the tile aisle. Twenty minutes and 7 opened boxes later, they have 3 travertine tiles that 'match' to Homer's standards.
Jane: Dude! Quit arranging yourself. You are in public.
Homer: It's just guys, they have nuts, too.
Jane: I swear, you need to get out more.... or maybe not at all.
Too much more time spent picking out 13 exactly right tile trim pieces.
On to the wood trim section. A half hour of Jane's life dissolves as she smiles, nods and encourages Homer to actually place the wood pieces IN the cart, signifying that they are indeed the chosen ones, and thus ending the perusal of every square inch of each ten foot long board.
Did you even realize how precarious the balance is between not enough knots to be interesting and too knotty to be structurally sound? No? Like Jane, you would probably wish those wood pieces were sharp enough to drive through ones own heart.
Jane slips off and picks out a new toilet seat - in approximately 30 seconds.
Still the wood debate marches on. Homer has removed every trim piece from the rack, totally blocking the aisle. Jane pretends not to know the strange guy who has dismantled the entire knotty alder display and skips right on by to pick up her drywall goop.
Eventually Homer moves on to the vent covers.
Frankly, Jane isn't even sure if they actually bought any vent covers because this is when her head started spinning and her eyes glazed over and she lost all interest in 'The Project'.
Which is good because by the time Jane and Homer arrived home it was too late for Jane to start anything.
Except a large bottle of tequila.
Yes, Lizspin, Homer IS an engineer. However did you know???