I love these people!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Like Cartalk, but prettier

Monday morning carpool, waiting at a red light, watching pedestrians:

Jane: "Is it just me or are there are a lot more Asians on campus this year?"

Alpha: "Hmm, I don’t know…. It’s probably like when you buy a car and you start noticing them everywhere."

Jane (exhibiting her total lack of self-control): "So you’re saying that I’m seeing Asians because I own a Toyota?"

Alpha (eyes rolling): "No, like you saw a bunch of them one day and now you are noticing them more." , (Then moving on) "You do know that Indians and Russians are technically Asians, too...."

Jane: "Yeah, but they don’t make a decent car so they’re not as noticeable."

I guess it's pretty clear why she doesn't leave home, huh?

Friday, September 25, 2009

Eight Ball in the Corner Canal

Dear Lazy Homeowner on 20th Street:

If you should happen to notice that your trash can is not in its usual place almost completely blocking the bike lane in front of your house, worry not, it hasn't traveled far.

I won't bore you with a lecture on how the trash collectors only visit your street on Mondays no matter how long you leave your can out, or point out that if you would park it just a little more to the IN or the the OUT it would be navigable or even snarkily remark that it has wheels for a darn good reason.

No, I will just suggest that you change out of your Italian loafers before you attempt to wrangle your curb ornament out of the irrigation canal because when it came down to making a skippy-quick decision whether to become retread on a plumbing truck or knock your trash can into next Tuesday, I chose the selfish route.

Oh, and before you go after it, you might want to make sure your shots are up to date and check for open sores because it looks fairly foul down there.

p.s. - Maybe I could have caught it.
p.p.s. - But I didn't even try.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

So much to learn, such little brain

Whew! Now that yesterday is over, I'm anxious to hear how everyone's kids survived the President's socialist indoctrination speech. Did your students come home and pack their bags for China or are they determined to stay and fight the imperialist repression? Or were they totally sheltered from all that hard work/personal responsibility propaganda?

I'm curious because my only K-12 kid was working in the school preschool during the speech and for some reason they have no TV. I KNOW! How unAmerican is THAT? Soennyway she missed it.

When they announced that President Obama would be addressing school children about staying in school, you would have thought that his speech was going to be all about condoms, gay marriage and hard lemonade for all the fuss.

Seriously, when I thought I heard my local news anchor say that some 'Parents are taking issue with Obama’s speech', I convinced myself that he must have actually said that 'Herons are baking tissues on Bahamas beach'.
My hearing malfunction makes it easier to ignore things that might get me worked up. So I did.
Ignore it, I mean.

Even though parents were calling their schools and district bigwigs demanding that their children’s time not be 'wasted' listening to the President of the United States tell them to stay in school because that was probably just a ploy to tinker with their impressionable minds. Some parents were even threatening to keep their children completely out of school yesterday. Some teachers were being required to get permission slips signed by their parents before they were allowed to view the speech. Woo hoo! Let's here it for open-mindedness.

One of the advantages of living in the reddest of red states is that most days I go to bed feeling like the most rational, sensible person in the world. Although You-tah doesn’t hold the copyright on freaky, it must be sold at Co$tco in very large, cheap bundles - with rebates because boy howdy, it runs rampant.

Happily, our high school seemed to be a bit more reasonable. The principal just sent out a voice mail telling parents to email her if they wanted their child to opt out of the broadcast. Which I did not. And still that kid missed it. How am I ever going to get her brainwashed now?


I'm so excited that Alpha is back to school and carpooling with me - even if it is only 3 days a week this semester - because I learn so much from my college girl. This morning... as we sat perfectly still in traffic on the 215:

Alpha (halfway through a large cup of JavaJoe's): Oh, hey, today's the ninth! Mattie says that because it's 9/9/09 and 9+9+9=27 and 2+7=9 something BIG is going to happen today! Maybe this is it!

Jane (too busy shifting gears to drink anything): Huh?

Alpha: The nines thing! Maybe Jesus is up there blocking traffic. People would probably stop to see Jesus, right?

Jane hoped the traffic tie-up would be because someone was handing out free helpings of rationality.

But it was neither. :o(

Tuesday, September 1, 2009


In case you missed the memo, it's National Wear White Week. NWWW is the week leading up to Labor Day when you cram in a final wearing of all the cute WHITE stuff that the Fashion Nazis *coughKAT* prohibit the wearing of after Labor Day.

Okay, I made that up. The National Week part, not the Fashion Nazis. They are fer-reals. The minute the clock strikes Day-after-Labor-Day, they tell us to put away our white shoes and skirts and pants. Probably jackets, too, but it seems like most things worn above the waist are safe. Apparently there are intricacies to 'the rules'.
Where did this come from?
I have no idea but as is my way, I don't understand it so I'm going to poke fun at it.

Don't mistake me for bitter just because I was ridiculed last year for wearing my white linen pants on September 4th, which had the bad fortune to fall AFTER Labor Day. So even though September 4th is a perfectly legal white-pants day THIS year, last year it was not and I was given a rash of crap that alas, is not a good thing to get when you are wearing white pants because they do not hide either a rash or crap very well.
In my defense, the weather was still sunny and hot but more importantly those pants were freshly IRONED! Seriously, no sane woman packs away white linen pants that have been painstakingly ironed. LINEN, people! I will never get back those 20 minutes nor will I let them go to waste.

I was originally going to lie about next Tuesday being National Wear White After Labor Day-In Your Face Snooty Fashionistas Day!
But that's so awkward. And who am I to tell you what to wear.
I just don't want you to waste your good ironing time.
So that's why I made up the National WWW day.
To save you the same wicked fate.

You are SO welcome.

peace, love, panty lines