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Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Tydee bowl tongue

You probably wouldn't know it from reading my blog... where I try to maintain a certain, ahem, decorum, but I have a bit of a potty mouth. Here I worry too much about the blog police sending me to cyber-jail... or whatever the heck happens. See? Heck. I wrote heck. That wouldn't have happened in real life where every word you say doesn't hang around FOREVER like it does in internetland.

I don't want to give you the impression that I'm gunning for Howard Stern's job or anything. I don't think I use any, um, colorful words just for the fun of it, but I guess I have kicked it up a bit lately because today my TA (trusty assistant) asked me if she was being a bad influence on me. I told her no, I learned most of those words before she was even born. *sigh*

I blame much of it on my kids. I became pretty good about censoring myself when the girls were little. There is nothing like having your 4-year-old yell 'SON of a bitch!' in the grocery store when you tell her they are out of Cocoa Cruchies, to stiffen your resolve to clean up your language. As they got older my lips loosened a bit. I know, I know. I should still be trying to set a good example. So withdraw my mother-of-the-year nomination. There are so many other reasons that I couldn't win anyway.

The thing is, now that I can't hear very much, I guess I assume that other people can't either, and what I intend to be said under my breath, apparently is not... judging from the looks I get. So, I guess I am going to have to take Diane up on her offer to teach me to swear in sign language. Either that or join the Navy.

So, are you totally shocked?

25 comments:

Deb Thaxton said...

Frankly, F#(^)*%#@ swearing doesn't bother me at all.

My two-year-old is repeating what I say which is fine but I forget my "colorful" language when I am driving.

http://thaxtonfam.blogspot.com

thesleepdeprivedmomma said...

Younger asked her daddy where he was going the other night as he was leaving. Before he could answer, I popped out with "To hell in a henbasket". For the rest of the night and into the next day, she repeated that bit of information to anyone who would listen. EX: talking to her Pawpaw, "My daddy went to Hell in a henbasket last night!"

To me as I loaded the dishes, YOUNGER-"Momma, where did daddy go?"
ME- "He's at a friend's house visiting."
YOUNGER- "Nuh-uh, he's in Hell in a Henbasket!"

Cute for about three or four times, and then just horrifying as I realized all the other words and phrases I use regularly. Such as:
-in response to being questioned about where I'm going- "Up a hog's ass to get a ham sandwich!"
-in response to thoughtless driving manuevers made by women-"You F**king C**kSucking C**T"
- in response to the never-tiresome Mom-where's-my . . . question-"If it was up your ass you'd know!"

Oh yeah, I could go on and on and on. Guess I'll have to sign up for those signing lessons too.

thesleepdeprivedmomma said...

It doubled my dirty comment, so I deleted the extra. LOL

Diane said...

I'm relieved, quite frankly.

Oh, and that decorum you claim to use...? Yeah... not so much ;)

I'm ready for lessons when you are. I know all the really bad ones, too.

Soxy Deb said...

I am totally shocked that "TA" means trusty assistant. I thought it meant Tits and Ass. My bad.

Jeankfl said...

Did you really think we don't know?? hehe (just messin' with you) Well, I, for one, am totally shocked!! I almost paid for my stepdaughter's daycare by paying a quarter for every swear word when she was four!!! The Lord had to clean mine up, and I still slip, sometimes.. not in front of kids, though.. Morgan still remembers me yelling "twit" in traffic when I was having to pay for words!!HAHAHA

Angie Ledbetter said...

I won't be callin' the 'puter po-po. I think we all let one fly now and then. :)

Shana said...

Jane!! I am truly shocked. I am. I love you anyway no matter what comes out of your mouth!!

An to Momma: I have never heard
"Up a hog's ass to get a ham sandwich!" I don't get out much!!

Tracie said...

naughty sign language! Sign me up! I do tend to drop a "F" bomb on occasion and our family joke in the car is calling all the other drivers A-Holes. Although I do like some of Sleepdeprivedmomma's thoughts! And I don't want to learn the middle finger, I already know that one!

Shanna said...

Potty mouth, cuss bag! :) No, not shocked...glad you admit though LOL

I try not to swear overly much on my blog either - it's typed there MUCH less than in real life. You're right having your kid mimic the swears is never pretty but when was the last time it felt really good to get out your emotions with gosh darn it!? They've just gotta be said.

Pat said...

Being married to an x-Navy man I'm sorry to say I learned words that I had never heard of while growing up!!! I seem to use them more now that I'm older than i did when I was a younger Mom, I think its because my kids are potty mouths. Maybe they did hear me under my breath. Sh shucks. So I think you are ok here with your friends. so let her rip. Pat

Noanie said...

See Jane, from all the comments, you're not alone. Heck, I'm given to dropping some cuss words now and then (more now than then) and I've slipped in front of the grandchildren a couple of times. I've gotta watch that!

t i m said...

did you just flip me a bird?

I saw that! :)

liz said...

just came across your blog. I know you probably liked 50 followers, but I just had to make it 51.

Don't swear at me or anything!!!!

Shupe said...

I like that your mouth is as dirty as mine- and sugar pie- I'm driving distance, and remember ALL The good swear words in Sign.
My favorites-fuck
and bitch!

They're quite easy to remember! in fact-
The F word, I can tell everyone here now- take your 2 hands and make bunny ears........ easy right- now - bring the palm sides together in a motion of well- yeah- fucking!! LOL
Great- Now I'm going to get to go to internet jail!

Shupe said...

OH- and the B word-
that one is easy too!!!!
Make a "b" with your right hand. That is bring all 4 fingers together straight up- bring your thumb into your palm- that is the "B" .......
Perpendicular to your chin with your thumb knuckle facing you- fingers just under your lower lip- that is "Bitch"
Now-
If you do the same motion between your eyes- Like in The 3 Stooges-
That is Bastard!

see- loaded full of knowlege here!
love ya sugar!

Laoch of Chicago said...

Mark Twain once said, "“Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed”

As I am said...

My 3 year old is totally repeating all of my colorful words that I use. And like Deb especially when I'm driving. The other night he told his dad that he was going to punch him in the nose asshole. Meh whatever. It's a phase it will pass .... RIGHT?? hehehehe
I might need some lessons too. :D

Miss Thystle said...

I think if I lived in You-Tah, I'd probably swear even more than I do. Which is A LOT. But I blame the mechanic I'm married to, the sailor that fathered me and the long haird Hells Angels I work with for that.

So, no, Janey Darling, not shocked a bit. If you want to swear, you can come to my blog and swear in the comments. Because I loves ya like that.

Scandalous Housewife said...

WTF? Go ahead and get on with it. Your blog should be a mama's escape, so I say hell-to-the-yes, say whatever the f**ck you want! We cool...

Gina (Mannyed) said...

Frankily, the people that never utter a potty word scares the sh@t of me.

gail said...

Stop flipping Tim the bird!

Shocked? Were you trying to shock? I appreciate your honesty.

My dd's first two word expression was, "Oh, $hit!" She was eight months old. Cleaned up my act after that.

Fast forward to her teen years and the present - she uses the "f" bomb every other word with people who aren't me. Bells yelled out her mother's first two word expression the other day and I have heard her drop an "f" bomb. heavy sigh.

Do these things skip generations? I hope so because I grew up in a "sht" house!

love ya, J!

Kelly said...

I tend to have a colorful vocabulary too...I try to curb the urge to cuss though since it would shock my preschoolers, not to mention get me fired. ;)

MizAngie said...

I vowed to clean up my f*cking filthy mouth, too, but it's not working out very well. A sheriff's dept van pulled into the turning lane facing me the other day, blocking my turn. I mouthed "you dumb F*ck" before I even thought about it...to a f*cking deputy sheriff! I don't know what he was thinking but I started bobbing my head left and right so I could say in court that I was singing along with the radio and was NOT cussing a f*cking law officer...just in case.

binks said...

ROFL - I am new here and really, I haven't noticed.
With all the swearing, I will have to move you up a notch in my Reader.
Makes me feel more at home.
Looking forward the next f*!king post.