I love these people!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Why you should never encourage your children to get along.

Homer and I had a Christmas… I mean holiday party last night. For once the girls had nothing going on… well, nothing that they preferred over spending a little sister time together dining on one of the special pizzas I brought back from Minnesota. Their plan was then to run to Target and buy a few ingredients for
no-bake fudge cookies,
make the cookies and put the decorations on the tree.

Actually, these were the very same ingredients that they supposedly bought back in November so they could make the
no-bake cookies
for Thanksgiving… with money that I gave them.

Well, of course, that money has long since dissolved into probably breath mints and French fries so they needed more. I had zip in cash so I handed my debit card over to the younger, usually more fiscally responsible one and left.

I will skip relating the fun of sitting through a 3 hour party when you have little ability to grasp what is going on around you or the obviously very entertaining speaker who talked for an hour. Oops, I didn’t really skip it did I?

Anyway, one of the things that rambled through my head as I pretended to listen was the reward that awaited me at home… cookies and a decorated tree! But especially the cookies… oh, and dare I hope? A scrap of pizza.

When we finally made it home, me drooling a little bit at the thought of a
no-bake fudge cookie
as reward for my patience, I found an empty kitchen.

Oh, except for my debit card and a receipt for $54.38.

FIFTY DOLLARS FOR COOKIES, you say? Well, these are not your average cookies… they have absolutely NO calories. Really! So you can eat as many as you want! And NO ONE will know because these cookies are also invisible!

Just like the decorations on the tree!

Apparently the sisterly love fest fizzled after they raided the cosmetics department at Target... at my expense. One went to the gym and the other to a friend’s house to ‘study’.
Like how hard would it have been??
You don’t even have to BAKE the
no-bake cookies….

Oh, btw, there was no pizza either.

Santa is very disappointed and will be cutting back his gift buying for certain naughty sisters this year.


Miss Thystle said...

What very naughty little girls! Santa is going to bring them reindeer poop for sure this year.

Shana said...

You could split the $54.38 in half, write out 2 bills, put them neatly in boxes, wrap them and place them under the tree to be opened on Christmas morning!!

jill said...

you gave your teenagers your debit card?! you are a brave, brave lady.

i have cookies....do you want me to mail some to you?

give them the ingredients for the cookies for Christmas....they can make them on Christmas day for you.

Diane said...

I really, really like Shana's idea. And I agree with Jill that you are very, very brave (it sounded nicer than very, very stupid ;). And clearly, I don't have a thought of my own in my head today. I think I've coughed my brain loose. ANY IMPROVEMENT ON YOUR HEARING?

Henry the Dog said...

The little minxes. I agree with Shana, and a swift nip to their hindquarters wouldn't go amiss either.

Cindy (the Utah one) said...

Cookies that don't have calories?? I think you've been hitting the eggnog a little early.

I haven't heard from you in a long time and I'm beginning to feel orphaned.

BBB said...

Oh my! I can't believe Alpha and Omega made such a tactical error at this time of year. So will it be lumps of coal in their stockings as pennance?

Sorry you didn't get your cookies. I LOVE those things! If I had a kitchen, I'd make you some and send them to you.


meg said...

I'd say stuff their stockings with coal, if you didn't need it to heat the house this winter :-(
$54.38 in one trip for makeup?! Crap- that's about my cumulative total for the past 25 years :-P

Debbie said...

Oh yeah. Santa would definitely leave that receipt in the stockings in lieu of gifts.

Anonymous said...

Awwwww that sucks to come home to invisible cookies, decorations and pizza. You didn't even get to smell the lovely smell pizza brings into a house huh?

Me thinks those blonde beauties are going to get coal in their stockings!

Hey you can come to my house on Saturday for pizza for my twenty-thirteen'th birthday ;)

Queen-Size funny bone said...

$50.00 unauthorized is certainly worth a gift deduction. ABSOLUTELY!

Queen-Size funny bone said...

$50.00 unauthorized is certainly worth a gift deduction. ABSOLUTELY!

Queen-Size funny bone said...

$50.00 unauthorized is certainly worth a gift deduction. ABSOLUTELY!

Tracie said...

Sounds like my house!

Nadine Hightower said...

Head would roll!!!!! That's not cool!!

soxy deb said...

Oh yeah - I see coal in their immediate future.

gail said...

Shana has a good idea.......

I'd like to have that recipe - with or without calories! Sounds good. g

Kelly said...

Oh hell, is this what I have to look forward to when my son is a teenager?? Don't answer that...

Lorrie Veasey said...

Maybe the 3 hours party without hearing a word was God's way of telling you you are never too old to take up a fun hobby: LIKE SIGN LANGUAGE.

You're welcome.

Kat said...

The nerve! Sorry about the hearing situation, though sometimes I do wish I were completely deaf and only heard my boss talk like the adults on Charlie Brown... Anyhoo, lesson learned many years ago that this wise mother will now share with you - NEVER and I mean NEVER give debit card and especially the PIN to the spawn. I know, I should have told you this prior to Saturday night, but I've been busy dodging workmen...

Shupe said...

AWE man!
The 2 little monkeys forgot what their plan of action was.
damn cell phones!

You're scaring me BTW on what to expect later on!

although maybe mine will be microchiped by the time their teens.

Do I need to come over and whack the sides of their heads?
It's only a 4 minute drive???!!!!

Anonymous said...

Your story, as well as your pizza/cookie plight, has touched my heart in a way that's almost disturbing (and possibly illegal).

I shall send you 3 batches of Amish Friendship Bread to help heal your wounded soul!

Don't worry, Shupe already gave me the address.

Are you crazy, girl? You gave your debit card (which looks remarkably like a CREDIT card) to 2 teenage girls, and expected good things to happen?

Do they not have TV or movies where you're from? ;)

Noanie said...

Oh you were so brave to hand your debit card to a teenager!

I'm thinking some coal is order for the naughty sisters. Then take out one of those special pizzas and just wave it in front of them but deny them a any of it. Oooh that's so mean.


thesleepdeprivedmomma said...

Oh Jane! That Minnesota air must have really gotten deep into your brain . . . or the hearing loss is beginning to alter your brain waves. Debit card+Teens+Target=BAD!

I think you should mix Shana AND Jill's suggestions and give them the ingredients ALONG with the receipt. Rotten children!!! Oh and I think, just for your benefit, you should go have the BEST (and by that I mean the WORST) photos of them you have blown-up and framed and then PERMENTENTLY (with cement if necessary) attach them to a wall near the front door where everyone who ever enters your home can see them, including potential future Mr. Alphas and Mr. Omegas!