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Monday, December 8, 2008

And the news just keeps getting better...

Not to worry, this will be my last 'poor me' post. If you haven't figured it out yet, a huge part of what this blog is about is taking my frustrations and worries and irritations and writing them down right here so I can recognize it all for the petty complainishness that it is. Then you all leave nice comments that make me feel even more like that one person in every group that just has to complain, complain, complain about everything. Ah well. At least we know our jobs.

So, what do you want first: the good news or the bad news?

The first thing that comes to mind is a bad news thing so...

Bad: You know it is not a good thing when your teenage daughter hands you her $162 paycheck and sobs "Here you can have this." Even the fleeting idea of a new pair of UGGs does not distract you from the realization that this is no windfall on your part. Once you determine that it is NOT, in fact, Opposite Day causing the kid who usually sucks money to start dispensing it, a quick visual inspection of your car will supply a piece of the puzzle as big as the scrape on the passenger side.

Good: No one was hurt... yet. Kid-ding. Possibility of a lesson learned about distracted driving that could save lives in the long run. Maybe a $250 deductible will make a deeper impression than a mother who preaches on and on just for the fun of hearing her own voice.
Like, what do parents know anyway. *eyeroll*

Bad: I spent this morning at the local endoscopy clinic. Yeah, those of you who are post-50 know what I'm talking about. I have now been videotaped from the bad end up to my bellybutton. I even have full color pictures. If I had a scanner, I'd share. Anyway, they say that the prep is the worst. That's probably true but I have to say that waking up in the middle of it probably came in a close second. Did I not mention my superhuman ability to metabolize anesthesia to that goose crew? Yes, I did, but partial credit should also go to my 'loopy,tortuous colon' and the fact that it took an hour longer than usual. No kidding. I have a kinky colon.

Good: ... a kinky, but healthy colon. I shouldn't need to resubmit to the process for 10 years and by that time I fully expect that modern medicine will have developed a much less personal approach to the process. Like say... maybe just fart in a jar and bring it in?
Enough of that subject. I apologize if I overshared.

Bad: My ears have not improved. I still have fluid in my middle ears. I have partial hearing in my right ear... if your voice is not low... and I can read your lips. My family and coworkers tell me they are getting tired of my condition. Ooh, not me! I'm having a blast. The asses! I think I'll fake the hard of hearing thing for an extra week or two just to get even.

Good: I get to see an real ENT specialist this week. Apparently after two weeks, which have seemed like forty, you get to move up from the quickie clinic virus doctors.

Bad: My dad is still in the hospital. He has had numerous ups and downs since I came home and I have been hesitant to report anything because it seems like I no sooner tell someone he's doing well and then he takes a turn for the worse. I claim that I'm not superstitous but really have no proof of it.

Good: Right now he is doing better than ever but shhhh.... I didn't say that.

Bad: My bed has now reached capacity at: 1 Me, 1 laptop, 2 cats (one on the keyboard), 1 dog and 1 napping daughter. I suspect most of the attention is because it is animal dinner time and only I have the keys to the food locker... or so you'd think.

Good: I don't have to think right now because I had anesthesia today and am fully released from driving or thinking for the next 24 hours. Sometimes it's not so bad to be me.

Peace, love, Jello!

21 comments:

Tracie said...

yEA, cying teeanagers handing over their paycheck, not ever good!

Good for your colon! I'm hoping by the time I need one of these, it will be the fart in a jar thing!

Hope your dad continues to improve!

WHY do they always hafta follow ya to your bed? Just leave me alone!

Lena Wayback said...

Scan those bad boys and I'll compare your tunnel to my hubby's which he has proudly displayed on his home office wall. I dunno, looks like bubble gum to me! Glad you are healthy. I'll pray for that fart-in-a-jar method as I have 6 more years before I have to endure that invasion.

Thoughts and prayers heading up for your dad.

Diane said...

This was not complainish! It was just imparting information. Which wasn't all good. If you want complaining, I'll give you an earful. When you can hear.

The fart in a jar thing made me snort. I am only a smidge more mature than an 11-year-old boy.

Fingers are crossed that your dad's up and at 'em soon!

Diane said...

And PS... hope YOU feel better, too!!!!

Debbie said...

Good for us: You don't have a scanner. I hope that is something you don't get for awhile!
I hope your dad does very well. I am sorry you are having your ups and downs. Life really yanks us around sometimes.

Shupe said...

Your ups and downs are never a burden on any of us darling! Especially me!
Cheers to your health-
and Your daughter- LOVE HER! Good for her doing the right thing. Taught gooder dat kid!

I love you- and hope to see you soon! I'll make ya dinner?!

Kat said...

Bitch, bitch, bitch - is that all you ever do? JUST KIDDING! Welcome to the people that have successfully fulfilled their minimum requirement and enjoyed the pleasure of the ass snake exam... Don't share your pics or I will be tempted to tell mine.

And from the nice personality that lurks in the background, I sympathize with your feelings about your dad, been there before and I do know your pain, worry, apprehension, etc. Just know if you need to vent anout this subject (please note I said vent, not bitch) you know where to find me. I will also go light a candle for your dad, you and the ingrate child that wrecked your car and drop a few prayers that way too. Hugs!

Paige said...

nah, that was unnecessary complainish--there was good reason for it. complainish is what I do when I get a bad nap or run out of good cheese

It will be all right--hang in there

Shana said...

I have never HAD one of those scope things but I have WATCHED a few! Fart in a jar would be much better.
Good for the daughter to just hand the money over... without the "It wasn't my fault" shpeel that a lot of teenagers would try.
Hope your dad continues to improve.
And your ear. That needs to get better quick.
Hugs

Nadine Hightower said...

If only a fart in a jar would work....one day, my friend, one day.

Shanna said...

Well, at least there is good to level out the bad...or at least counter it a little, right? I'm glad the Teen wasn't hurt and I'm impressed that she not only told you but gave you money! You done good, mama! ;)

The hubby and I were wondering if the chainsaw/beauty parlor was run by a husband and wife - hubby speculated that the wife probably did the saws while the hubby did hair. We were closer in guessing than we realized, it turns out! ;)

Soxy Deb said...

The bad: That was a lot of bad and I'm sorry for all of it
The good: You could find some good to say about every.single.one. Then your bad starte outweighing your good...I shudder to think.

Glad you have a clean, kinky colon - me too! =)

Cindy said...

Hi Jane,
Thank you for your kind comment, Yes April is my friend (we've known each other for almost 25 years.) but she is more my sister the my blood related sister is.
And yes it does make me wonder why.
Again thank you and I hoe your ears feel better soon.

Cindy said...

Sorry that should say "hope"

meg said...

So glad I didn't read this last night- I sent Sam out on his first solo drive in my baby, & even though he was gone less than 30 minutes, I was a palpitating open nerve until he pulled in (& a surreptitious inspection of the car) I know- big weenie :-P

Noanie said...

Hey, if you can't bitch on your own blog, where can you bitch?
And no, you aren't the only one who bitches. Besides, you've had enough crap happen lately to warrant a full fledged bitchfest!
Wow, who'd have thought I could post an entry with the word bitch written so many times?!?
Be well. Peace

Pat said...

Oh God Jane we do have something in common besides being dog lovers, I too had a kinky colon!! I can't believe I'm sharing this with you. LOL sucks to be us huh? Hope your dad continues to get better. What all you have going on go ahead and bitch. Take care and thanks for welcomeing me to this new not stressful place. Hugs, pat

j said...

Bitch on my dear. Why am I not surprised that you have a twisted colon?
j

Cindy said...

I used to be that complainish person ... now I just don't talk to anybody.

I know what you mean about your Dad. My brother is the same way.

Whoops ... there I go.

JennyD said...

Holy crap, look at all the stuff I missed. Blasted Spaces doesn't link to blogspot for updates. Isn't that a pisser?
Jane, you woke UP during the colonoscopy? Omggggg. I think I would have died on the spot from sheer fear. I had that done last January, lol -- geez, no humility left at all. Funny thing was, I came home and did the same thing you did, blog; but I didn't remember doing it. Turned out I'd sent off half a dozen emails, too, and didn't find that out til people wrote back. I went back and read what I'd sent and I swear to God, it was the best writing I'd ever done, lol.
Ok, now I'm on to your latest blog...cya over there :D

Anonymous said...

Catching up coment one: Fart in a jar - that would be great! Glad you got your test, though. I put it off for one year and got it done this past year.

Still praying for Dad - and Mom. g