I love these people!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Plain as the invisible nose on my face

Remember how I lost my glasses the night of the Sugar Bowl?


The short story is that I was party to a frantic, rooftop, mid-blizzard, slapdash antenna fix in the half hour prior to my Utes commencing to do some monumental Tide schooling.
Not to rub it in or anything. I wouldn’t do that. Unbeaten, those Utes. All season!


Anyway, it’s been about 6 weeks and I have sifted through snow and ice chunks and combed the roof during thawing periods. I even peeked into the gutters a couple of times.

No luck.

They weren’t an expensive pair of glasses and I have another perfectly good pair but I missed the lost ones and you know how you just have a feeling?
I had one.

I just kept thinking, no knowing, that they would turn up in spite of my empty efforts. I admit, though, I was starting to lose a bit of faith in my knowiness.

But last Sunday, in an unexpected burst of angry energy, I tackled the crap pile that had taken over the laundry room, (aka: the backside of the TV wall) where coincidentally, the antenna wire happens to fall from the ceiling.

Oh, THAT room.
Okay, I’m not that slow. I had already checked the area quite extensively.
More than once.

But I did so again.

And this time, in my tirade, I dropped to my hands and knees and stuck my face all the way to the cold, concrete floor and peeked under the great rolling cabinet and what do you know? Sure as shortcake, there were my glasses!

Yah-ay, me!

But because I was already steamed at certain branches of the family tree and had begun penciling new beneficiaries into my mental will that day, I decided to perform a little family social experiment just as a little, um, loyalty check.

So I did not shout out with proud joy, I simply placed the glasses on my face and went on with my business.

There were NO surprises at all.

Homer – who had told me just hours before that he had been keeping an eye out for them every day: Still hasn’t noticed 3 days later. I wonder what he is (still?) looking for.

Omega – who thinks she may have heard that they were missing one of the 14 or 43 times I mentioned it: Claims she didn’t know which glasses were missing…. out of two distinctly different pairs - one of which I’ve been wearing every day for 6 weeks.
Alpha – Within 2 nanoseconds of arriving home: Points out excitedly that I found my glasses!

PepperAnn: Declares 'What a good girl you are! Let's have a treat!' Cuz she's a border collie and smart like that.

So there was a snack-filled happy ending, but tell me: Do you ever feel like you could walk around with like half a parakeet stuffed up your nose and as long as you kept filling the pantry and processing the laundry, some people would never even notice?


Sheri and George said...

I hear you girlfriend-I wear contacts almost all the time but decided to buy a new pair of glasses to wear on the ocassion when I needed to rest my eyes. So I'm wearing the new glasses and Hubbs looks at me and asks oh so sweetly if I cut my hair? You think?

jill said...

i hear you....i became invisible about the same time my oldest started high school. just a ghostly presence floating around the house keeping everything running. i've taken on human form again but it took alot of re-educating of the family members.

Lucky Wife/Bookaholic said...

One day I met hubby at the door with nothing on but a sheet and lots of candles... He looked at me and said... Is dinner ready?

I often tell him I'm pregnant when he isn't listening, or tell the kids that we WERE going to go to Chuck E Cheese...but they didn't hear me in time.

Jeankfl said...

Yes, mostly we could turn our hair purple and no one in the house would notice!! That's what mom's get, mostly.. I like Jill's take.. a ghostly presence that makes things run right..

Diane said...

Every. Damned. Day.

I got my hair colored yesterday... about 3 shades darker than normal. No one noticed. No one. EXCEPT one of the plumbers who had seen me ONCE before.


A Woman Of No Importance said...

I haven't had my hair cut or blonde highlighted since the summer - I am 45 and greys abound - (usually I would have had it done at least twice since then - I have been stuck at home and off work). I asked the OH how my roots looked, and he said he could not see any difference...

I look like an Ewok from the Star Wars Trilogy - only with darker roots!

Kat said...

Well let's see, the last time I got my hair cut they took off about 2 inches. This was on Friday. The following Sunday, not the one two days later, but the one 9 days later, Hubby looks at me while driving the car to church and says, "Did you get a hair cut?" - Hmmm... I could be naked, bleeding to death with a noose around my neck and nobody in my house would even notice.

Tracie said...


Laoch of Chicago said...

I lost my glasses once for a month. Eventaully a friend of mine had to come over and help me look because of course, without my glasses I could not see.

Much admiration for Pepper Ann.

Lisa said...

always good to read- funny how i have always referred to our family home as the nest adn Im sure my dogs call my husband ALPHA PAC !
missing glasses, missing keys, welcome to my life xx

Jan said...

I started dieting and exercising last April 1st. It took until October for anyone in my family to notice. My oldest daughter told me that she really only notices when I gain weight! Nice.

Christine said...

I usually find my glasses on my head.

I'm only invisible until someone needs food or something done for them... all of a sudden my invisible ink disappears! I guess you could call me a part timer!

lizspin said...

The thing is. . . everyone stayed true to themselves.

You can draw water from a stone, now can you???

Noanie said...

Very briefly - thanks for the laughs - I need to get to bed to get some much needed sleep after awaking a 1:30 AM today and NOT getting back to sleep. I was stressed over my grandson's tonsilectomy and adnoidectomy. All went well, just like you predicted. Thanks.

Kelly said...

I lost my cell phone this afternoon. I'm recruiting you to come over and find it...hurry! :)

Shupe said...

IT's pathetic it takes a girl to get on her hands and knees and lurk in the dirty, unkown area's eh?

YAY for you
BOO to Homer!!!

I Love you Dearly!
Spreading the love this week- since I can't for One Special Someone- So you all get me buggin ya!

Domestic Goddess said...

Oh heck yes!! If it wasn't for the daily feedings, I doubt my family would notice if I ran away to live in sin with Thor the Monkey Boy in the nearest travelling freak show.

Angie Ledbetter said...

I've tried the bird-up-nose trick before and not a single person in the household noticed. But let the milk get a little sour and they'll come find me, wake me up and let me know about it.

Soxy Deb said...

Short answer - Yes!

I colored my hair a couple of weeks ago. My hair is fairly dark, almost black. I went several shades lighter. When hubby came home, he did notice, but told me my hair looked darker. Doofus.

TwiBitch said...

Yep, sounds like my house. Altho' when Kaeden is here, he doesn't miss a thing! He always notices anything that may be different, not only about me or Pappa, but also anything that may have changed around the house. He's so observant! Pappa on the other hand...well, let's just say the house could fall down around his ears and he wouldn't realize it!
Glad you found your fav glasses though. I've lost mine before and life just isn't the same with a substitute pair.

Debbie said...

I have walked around like that! And they did not notice. But, to their credit, I am not very good at physical observations either:)

Christine said...

My definition of good china is dishwasher safe! Have a great day and thanks for the good laughs over here. =O)

BBB said...

This post was a hoot and obviously hit close to home for lots of us. The comments were just as good. I wanna know where to find Thor the Monkey Boy! Spill it DG!!

thesleepdeprivedmomma said...

I feel EXACTLY like that EVERY SINGLE DAY! God Jane, I knew we had a weird connection with the whole "hating condiments" thing but now you've clinched it. We must have been twins in another life. Think we liked each other then??

binks said...

I've lost both of my good pairs of sunglasses. Do you think you could come down here and look through all my piles of crap?
It's warm and sunny here, does that hold sway?