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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Spring me!

Cross your fingers, light a candle, conjure me some good Karma - whatever you subscribe to, I could probably use it. In hopes of un-funking my mood - whoops, go back and read that right this time - I brought my bike to work with me today so I could ride home. The sunny skies and temps in the 60's were just too tempting.

It's not been going so well, though. I already made a nuisance of myself this morning trying to figure out how to operate the bike rack on the front of the bus. I'm pretty sure that the writing of the rack instructions was outsourced to Punjabian monkeys because they left me totally baffled. The bus driver had to unbuckle his own chubby self from the driver's seat and come out of the bus to show me how it works. All his wild gestures through the window did nothing but distract me from my work and confuse me further. Okay, I couldn't take the pressure. My brain seized up at the thought of the 5 people already on the bus cussing me out for slowing down their commute.

Those bus drivers want you to believe that they are all crabby because they don't really like bike commuters in the first place - especially dumb ones, but from what I observed I think they just don't like to leave their seats because it takes them about 5 miles to get all their 'parts' readjusted back into the proper place on the driver's seat. It appears bus drivers are somewhat like automobile nose pickers in their belief that no one sees what they are doing.

I won't talk about what happened when I took my bike OFF the rack. My ego won't allow it but as I walked my steed the 20 yards from bus to office building, I must have rolled over something sharp because I recently noticed that one of my tires is flat and now I remember that what I DIDN'T see in my little bike ditty bag was a repair kit, which means I will have to present myself to one of the bike-heads in the building as not only a nitwit, but an unprepared nitwit. They will probably ask to see my helmet and my insurance card before they help me out.

All this comes on the heels of assessing my scars from last summer's ass-over-handlebars manuever and deciding that the marks really haven't faded much over the winter. Last night I briefly worried about the possibility of another asphalt encounter, but isn't life too short to worry about what MIGHT happen? I'm also thinking that my legs are so WHITE that drivers couldn't possibly miss the sight of me.... unless the brightness blinds them! Or what if some crazy Hummer gets a look at me and thinks 'Mmmm, look at all that tasty white meat for the taking at the road-kill grill!'

There's also the possibility that I could go into cardiac arrest around mile 13.

I'll let you know if I make it home.
Maybe I should just take the bus....

21 comments:

Laoch of Chicago said...

I'm not sure how much traffic you hare in your city but it is absurdly dangerous to drive your bicycle downtown here in Chicago. A lot of drivers are headless to cycles. Be careful.

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

I'm impressed you're riding your bike to work!

Diane said...

Well, I don't know about you, but you just talked me out of ever riding my bike. Geez.

MizAngie said...

I'm so glad I don't have a bike anymore. One less thing for which I would feel guilt. Of course, I replaced it with the Wii. That was so much fun...for about a week! Think I have ADD? Or am I just extreeeeeemely lazy? Ha! Who am I kidding? Damn straight - it's the lazy thing. hahahahha....

Tracie said...

OMG!!! Mile 13?

Life With Dogs said...

Did you make it back?? ;)

Jan said...

Hey I give you credit for the bike riding. I can only handle 10 minutes on the bike at the gym!

Shanna said...

Mortification! That's what I'd be feeling trying to get my bike hooked up to the front of the bus. Which would lead to rage. Which no one would want to see. Good for you for keeping your cool and making that bus driver burn a few extra bites of donut off his rear end by getting up to help you LOL :)

I hope someone at work took pity on you and helped you out without too much hassle!

Sheri and George said...

OMG! I give you so much credit for even thinking about riding your bike much less actually doing it. About the time all those people on the bus were looking at me trying to get my bike on the rack, I would have turned around and changed my mind. Let us know you make it home ok and don't turn up as the hood ornament on some Hummer.

TwiBitch said...

So, did you make it back home? I must say you're making me feel guilty...I only have about a mile to ride to work, just don't do it often enough. But then, I DO have TWO really big hills to ride up, BOTH directions! I know...any old excuse is better than none.

Hope you made it home Jane. Should we send out the Guard?

Gaston Studio said...

Kudos to you for bike riding at all. I haven't trusted those things that much since I went over the handlebars some years ago and had so much asphalt in the abrasions on my body, it took me a week to get it all out. Of course, no one told me not to ride a bike in flip flops!

Comedy Goddess said...

I am sorry, but that is funny.

Next time ride a Vespa.

Soxy Deb said...

I'm a little behind and just reading this post. Since we haven't heard from you since, I'm trying to NOT think of you lying in a ditch somewhere. Fingers crossed.

Suldog said...

You're a braver person than I am. I've toyed with buying a bike, but haven't actually ridden one in over 30 years, so discretion has been the better part of valor thus far.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

You brave, bloggy soul! I loved the bit about, "outsourcing to Punjabian monkeys..."!

Miss Thystle said...

Guess what Janie? I'm going to buy a bicycle! I haven't ridden one in 20 years, but I figure you wouldn't lead me astray with all this talk of bikey-goodness, would you?

Deedee said...

Hey, I give you credit and kudos for making the effort. There are lots of things that I haven't done simply because I don't want to feel awkward. You got right out there, woman! Good for you Jane!

Angie Ledbetter said...

You go, big girl!

Debbie said...

I wish we were more bike friendly. I'd be scared to death to ride mine on real streets.

Kat said...

SO? Did you make it home? I'll be happy to ship you some Mike's but I am wondering if that would some how be illegal for shipping across the state lines of happiness or not?

Nadine Hightower said...

Just go slow. You can do it. If there are no hills it should be okay.

You'll be fine...I have faith in you.