And still I'll be walking home from the bus stop.

Whew! Finally Friday. It took me most of the week to purge that nasty virus from my system. Oops, next slide.
Sorry. Hope you aren't eating.

Anyway, I take a couple sick days and then I play from behind all week, at home and at work. I don't know when I'll ever catch up.
Luckily no one else got sick. As much as I believe in sharing, a sick man is no woman's idea of a good time. I think that's why more husbands aren't poisoned to death

I'm gearing up for a big weekend push on the ManCave project (thank you Lorrie). I would love to fill you in on what's been happening but since I can't type while I'm twitching, let's just say 'progress' is not the word of the week.
Nor is 'decisiveness'.
Noooo, noooo. More likely it would be 'Idon'tgivearatsrump,decidealready!'
or 'drivingmefrickinnuts'!
But those aren't words, are they boys and girls?

Does anyone know what ever happened to quaaludes? I don't think I've heard them mentioned since like the 80's but if ever they were going to make a comeback, now would be a darn good time for me.

Tell me, what do you have planned for the weekend, and what, if anything, are you counting on to pull YOU through?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other news: more evidence that my Karma account is WAY into overdraft.

You know that I've tried to give up as much driving as possible, right?

If you could see what the air looks like in our fair metropolitan soup bowl right now, you would understand. Driving unecessarily feels roughly equivalent to pooping in the swimming pool and then swimming 50 laps.

So, you'd think I'd be saving some coin on gas, no?

No.

Last weekend I was lucky enough to snag 'my' car for the weekly grocery run. No, Debbie, I did NOT remember my reusable bags. I wasn't, however, lucky enough to find anything but fumes in the tank. So I filled it up.

This came on the heels of it being 'my turn' to fill Alpha's tank. We carpool to work/school in the morning and she is pretty good about letting me use daJeep whenever I need it... Well, last night I used her rig to make a Target run and whaddayaknow, it was on E. Luckily, my round red retail pusher is only a few blocks away so I made it there and home with 10 drops to spare.

After I unloaded, I told Homer "I think I got her this time. I left the tank on empty and I'm taking the bus tomorrow so she can't pull that old 'Oh dear Mommy, we need gas but I have no money' thing on me!" I quoted her in my best silly, blond me voice.

I was feeling quite proud of myself.

Fast forward to this morning. For some reason, I am unable to push back the covers at 6:30am. Who knew goose down could be so heavy?

So, I'm laying in bed wondering if I should get my lazy self up and make a mad dash for the bus or lounge a little longer and catch a ride with Alpha, which puts me at work quite late. I sort of decide to make the dash but I run into problems, so I go to her room to find out what time she's leaving.

But she's not there!

Well, I'll show the little poo! I'll take daJeep to work, yes I will!

By the time I get back to my room, I start to wonder if I should worry because she is not home. I'm a good mother like that.

I check my phone.

One message received.

From Alpha.

'I am sleeping

at lily's so you

can drive my

jeep to work

tomorrow and

i will just drive

it home.'

She forgot to add that it HAS NO GAS.

Scratch that. It DIDN'T HAVE any gas. I am a victim of teenage wilyness and my own laziness.

I have calculated that so far this month, driving is costing me roughly $5/mile - just for gas.

But, I think I should just shut up and be glad it's only $1.57 a gallon, huh?

The stomach gods are very angry

Sorry to be so scarce lately but I'm suffering from a right rocky case of the Tournament Flu - so-called because of its 'double elimination' aspect. These last few days my energy has been focused entirely on such decisions as: should I drive the porcelain bus or ride it? Where exactly in the human body, is the continental divide that determines which way it's going to 'go'? And has anyone fallen head first into a toilet and drowned or will I be the first?

I'll return when it no longer feels like I ate a meal of push pins with a chaser of battery acid.

Why they keep the sharp things under a watchful eye in the 'tool corral'

Last night's trip to the Ho'Depot:



Jane wants just one bucket of joint compound so she can finish her drywalling duties. Homer tags along to 'show her a few things.'


Homer: These are the switchplates that I like. What do you think?

Jane: I don't think they're the look we're going for. What about these?

Homer: Well... yeah.... or....


This is where Homer spies something on Jane's face, then actually licks his thumb and tries to wipe it off!! Like a Grandma in church!!!

Jane wraps her scarf around her face and apologizes to the gentleman over by the switches, whose ears appear to be inflamed from her colorful language. Jane wonders when he snuck into the aisle.

Homer picks out 3 or 4 different switchplates and appears ready to launch into a protracted speech on the virtues of each one. Jane walks off in a daze.


Homer catches up and detours her through the tile aisle. Twenty minutes and 7 opened boxes later, they have 3 travertine tiles that 'match' to Homer's standards.


Jane: Dude! Quit arranging yourself. You are in public.

Homer: It's just guys, they have nuts, too.

Jane: I swear, you need to get out more.... or maybe not at all.



Too much more time spent picking out 13 exactly right tile trim pieces.


On to the wood trim section. A half hour of Jane's life dissolves as she smiles, nods and encourages Homer to actually place the wood pieces IN the cart, signifying that they are indeed the chosen ones, and thus ending the perusal of every square inch of each ten foot long board.


Did you even realize how precarious the balance is between not enough knots to be interesting and too knotty to be structurally sound? No? Like Jane, you would probably wish those wood pieces were sharp enough to drive through ones own heart.


Jane slips off and picks out a new toilet seat - in approximately 30 seconds.


Still the wood debate marches on. Homer has removed every trim piece from the rack, totally blocking the aisle. Jane pretends not to know the strange guy who has dismantled the entire knotty alder display and skips right on by to pick up her drywall goop.

Eventually Homer moves on to the vent covers.

Frankly, Jane isn't even sure if they actually bought any vent covers because this is when her head started spinning and her eyes glazed over and she lost all interest in 'The Project'.

Which is good because by the time Jane and Homer arrived home it was too late for Jane to start anything.
Except a large bottle of tequila.

Yes, Lizspin, Homer IS an engineer. However did you know???

When Sisyphus gets transferred to home improvement

Friday night and a 3-day weekend looms.

Jane thinks something might possibly get crossed off the Unfinished Projects List.

Hmmm…. there’s so much to choose from.
The door paint for sure. Maybe even the bathroom mirror.
But Homer jumps in and declares the family room to be the winner.
But wait! This is Jane’s resolution.

Well dang, if it keeps him from cooking all weekend…

Pre-weekend project status: Walls of large basement room were textured 5 years ago in an attempt to cover up ugly paneling without having to endure the mess of demo and sheetrocking. Well, all except for half of one wall, which contains a cabinet. Jane could never get an answer out of Homer as to whether the cabinet could be removed so project was abandoned.


So.... three-day weekend begins.
Homer agrees to cabinet removal.
Cabinet is emptied of 64 different empty mini bottles, lots of stupid junk and one glittery Las Vegas clock with dice for numbers.
Cabinet is removed and discussion begins about how to patch the vent hole from the old furnace.
Talk turns to installing a new heat vent – in different location - and a cold air return.
And moving an outlet and a switch.
All of which would be much easier if the paneling was torn out.
Which it is.
Jane snaps up the electrical and drywall contracts; Homer’s all over the HVAC.

Post- weekend Project Status: Half of one wall STILL needs to be texturized. The rest of the walls need to be RE-texturized into more of a stucco-like effect, and then repainted, the door trim and baseboards are to be replaced with ‘knotty alder’ wood, the window sills redone with travertine stone, the lights replaced with not track OR can lighting, but BOTH track and cans and SOMEWHERE out there probably exists the perfect vent and switchplate covers. But we have yet to find them.

Project moved from Almost Complete to Barely Started status.


You are probably thinking about moving Jane from Partially Crazy to Fuggin-Nuts status but she thinks that it’s best to give Homer design freedom in this manly, big-screen tv area rather than other, more public rooms.

Hopefully all will survive to test that theory.

The morning after

I really enjoyed reading everyone's comments on yesterday's post. Although I have to wonder why the less optomistic views weren't shared - I know you are out there - I was glad to read that I wasn't the only one feeling inaugur-elation.



I was also a bit surprised by all the focus on race. Not that I didn't think it was, indeed, a great day for black people but really, half of President Obama comes from just another white person. Wait! Don't get your knickers twisted. What I mean is that we spend all our time preaching how race and religion shouldn't matter when we hire employees - there are laws even- yet in this case so much was made of his race. Can you imagine if your boss paraded a new hire around the company, introducing him as the first Native American manager in the history of the company? Or Amish? Or woman? Awkward only begins to cover it. There's also irrelavant and, oh, illegal.



I guess I didn't grow up in the deep south, and segregation is just a very vague recollection from my early youth but it never occurred to me that we wouldn't one day have a black and/or a woman for president. I thought it was all a matter of when a qualified candidate with those characteristics, would happen to step up. Yes, I realize that there are racist, sexist people out there, but fewer it seems with each new generation.



Anyway, I am much more impressed by the content of the Prez's character than the color of his skin. I wasn't originally a B.O. supporter. Although I loved his name, even I realized that a cool moniker was not a prerequisite to lead our country. I didn't think he had enough experience. Probably he wasn't tough enough. But the more I listened to him, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that an 'organizer' was probably the perfect choice for the job. I think that President Obama is committed to surrounding himself with experts and even people with opposing views, so that he can harvest the best information available to handle each situation. Maybe I'm over simplifying it, but shouldn't our president be an 'organizer'?



It also doesn't hurt that he is eloquent. Boy howdy, that's been about 8 years coming. I love to listen to our new Prez because I can understand him, and I believe in him and I hope the rest of America does, too, because right now we need someone we can believe in. Someone to take us through the incredible mess we are in. And THAT is why I am hopeful.

Jane! is Hopeful

It was a crazy weekend in which I sunk only deeper into the project mire but today it all seems fairly insignificant compared to what is going on in Washington DC. I'm trying to soak up as much of this monumentous occasion as possible.

I'll be back tomorrow.
But tell me, how do you feel today?

See Jane Run. Run Jane Run.

Today's blog is brought to you by the letter's T, G, I and F!


With a special happiness contribution from Martin Luther King,Jr, whom we shall honor by NOT working on Monday.


Other than that I really have nothing to say, or rather no time to chat because this is what my day will look like:

Please note that in real life I do not actually wearing a skirt, peter pan collar or a rooster top hairdo.

That said, I found this little nugget on MSN today. I find it quite ironic that my hometown tops this list of America's Healthiest Cities for Women and one of the reasons is LOW job stress. Hahahahaha! I also see that women in my ancestral home have the highest life expectancies. Which stresses me even more because I realize that I will need to work HARDER and save MORE in case I don't die exactly at 86.4 years of age - when my 401k runs out.

And then on the bus last night, I started thinking about eggs.... because I forgot my iPod. Can anyone tell me why there are no size 'small' eggs? And why is size 'large' the standard? Really, how many recipes, if they state size at all, ask for anything besides 'large'? So why are they not sized small, medium and large instead of medium, large and extra-large?

And finally from the Please-Make-Jane-Feel-Normal files: Have you ever dreamed that you didn't sleep all night? I mean you honestly thought you were tossing and turning and wide awake but you now realize that you were in, like, Greece or something with the American*Idol judges so you probably were, in fact, quite asleep. I wonder how THAT contributes to my stress level.

I guess I did have a couple of things to say. And a couple more:

Happy weekend everybody!

Peace, Love, Sisterhood!