Oh the High Pressure World of Accounting

I am quite pleased to announce that I have officially completed our income tax reporting for.... 2007! Yessiree, in less than 9 months from the time they were due, I have finally sifted through the horrid, documentatious mess, poked the appropriate holes and filed the forms in their neat little binder.

I realize that some people do this on or before April 15th or even the 16th if they are all out exhausted from racing to the post office before midnight like, um, okay me, but I have to wonder what they then do with all that open desk space. I would have to *gasp* dust it, or something - FOR NINE MONTHS!

On the other hand, my method works out so very nicely; I can now use the empty space to accumulate all that mail that arrives marked 'important tax documents'.

Until April 14th arrives and we start the race all over again.

I won't discuss it out loud, but I have a squishy, loosey goosey, kinda sorta goal in the back of my head that says this might be the year that I do taxes before the very last minute. But only because my inner tax analyst tells me that all those losses we took in the stock market last year might add up to a possible refund.
Isn't that a sign of the times? - me hoping that a bajillion dollar loss to our retirement accounts might cough up a hundred dollar refund.... which will hopefully buy enough mac and cheese to see us through.... like Wednesday?

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Eyeglass update: I thank you all for your suggestions on their possible location. Right now I am just waiting for a good thaw. Our house has an almost-flat roof, which is now covered with about 4 inches of snow. I realize that they could have flown off my head in the antenna/storm frenzy. Or they could have dropped off when I was going up or down the ladder. Realizing that pawing blindly through the snow piles could do harm to the glasses, I'm just keeping a watchful eye on the snow piles, and hoping that PepperAnn doesn't find them first and trade them off to the old, blind setter next door for a half used chewbone.

Jane's Lost It!

You probably already knew that. I guess I did, too, but I wasn’t ready to talk about it. Nowadays there isn’t much ELSE to talk about. I don’t know if it is age, or hormones, or STRESS or all of the above but some days I wonder if I should be allowed to leave the house unescorted. Oh wait! I’m the parent with a job. And benefits. I have to leave the house. And this morning, leave I did, wearing my slippers. True, they matched my pants beautifully, but it wasn’t the look I was going for. Although.... a day in slippers coulda sucked much of the cranky out of me.

I have also been known to try on two different shoes and get distracted before deciding which one I liked best. The body is an amazingly adaptable thing. I know this because after roughly two minutes, my feet quit sending signals to my brain indicating that there is something amiss, and walking with two completely different heel heights becomes as natural as showering naked.

Which maybe isn’t all that natural to me because I have been known to step into the shower in my underwear.

Speaking of underwear, I was organizing my delicates drawer the other day and I found a pair of red panties – in exactly my size – which I have never seen before. The brand is Ashley-something which is not one of ‘my’ brands. I tried them on and I really like them. I would remember if I had purchased them because I would have wanted more. The worst part? This is the second time this has happened. How does one acquire strange underwear?? No, I don’t think Homer is playing hide the salami with someone else while I’m at work… these aren’t that kind of underwear. And they aren’t his size, either, if THAT’S the way your mind is rolling.

And there was the vacuum. I vacuumed the entire living room the other day. I know! What a concept! Except that I had this odd feeling that it was moving across the carpet too easily. I’m just that in tune with my Dirt*Devil. I wondered if the beater bar was moving. Check. Hmmm. It seemed to be picking up the obvious litter. Around the time that I finished the room, I checked the dirt cup. I’m kind of masochistic that way – I like to see all the crud that was sucked up. It makes me feel accomplished. Only I couldn’t see it because THE DIRT CUP WAS STILL BY THE BACK DOOR. Where I left it after I emptied it. Now, it’s called a dirt ‘cup’ but it’s actually about half of my vacuum, which looks something like this:

See how big that sucker is? You would think I would notice something like that.

By the time I got home last night, the rug and floor in the laundry room had dried enough to vacuum up all the feathers from the exploding pillow escapade. I was also looking forward to giving the laundry room a good cleaning (sick, I know, but wait) in hopes of finding the eyeglasses I lost the night of the antenna fiasco. They are my best nerd glasses and I feel totally smarter when I wear them, but we became separated somewhere between the time I got home from work and the start of the football game. I kept thinking they would show up but they haven’t and now my recollection of my actions that night has dimmed to the point that I only remember that I was awake. I think.

And no, they are NOT on top of my head. But they probably were just before I lost them.

Which brings us to this morning. We were running a bit late due to the slipper episode so I drove Alpha’s rig with the intention of dropping her on the other side of campus so she could get to her class early enough to get a seat since it was standing room only yesterday. Only I got distracted and made a wrong turn. And then missed the turn that would have fixed the problem. So I tried to make a U-turn but missed the light. And then hit the roundabout just in time for the train arms to come down. And at the next red light I was behind a dummy who was going straight from the right turn lane. Yes,I wanted to turn right.

Alpha was so sweet the entire time. She kept saying things like ‘Well, I still have 10 minutes.’ And ‘Oh, there are always more people on the first day – and then you never see them again.’ And finally my personal favorite ‘Sitting during class is for lazy people’.

But I did get her there a few minutes early. And I made it to work without incident, which I wouldn’t be able to say if I had actually hit that pedestrian that came out of nowhere and crossed in front of my car while I was looking the other way.

I TOLD you I shouldn’t leave the house.

Much nothing to ado about

As usual someone played the so-not-funny joke of pushing the fast forward button on my weekend. How IS it that 2 weekend days can go faster than a 10-minute ‘chat’ with the boss? Not fair.

I guess that’s my sour-grapish way of saying that I didn’t accomplish diddly. I did parts of many things but as usual I didn’t FINISH anything.

My one resolution for the new year is to finish all the many projects that have been left in the dust of my time-challenged life. I thought I would start slowly so I selected a size small chore for this weekend: one last closet door left undone from last spring’s door painting project. Well, I only got the holes plugged and sanded so it remains on the list. The good news is that I didn’t start anything new.

And the weekend wasn’t without its lessons learned. First, let me warn you that it is not possible to download an entire year’s worth of movies from the hard-drive of your video camera an hour before you need it to capture an intense cheerleading competition. Ah, but the fact that I WAS able to download them at all means that we won’t , in fact, have to buy a new camera every time the hard disc fills up! This will help the family budget tremendously in these tough economic times. More good news in that I was able to clear off enough stuff to make room for the new stuff and by 10pm last night, I had everything transferred. I think I even have a pretty good idea how to edit the clips and burn them onto DVDs, but I might just be overly full of myself.

Second, if your nose is feeling overly allergyish and you decide it’s time to launder the feather pillows, don’t ignore the loose feathers inside the allergy-proof cover of one of them. I know it’s easy to support your laziness with the theory that they are just some strays that have worked through the pillow seams. Trust me, that it is a WHOLE lot more work to clean a completely exploded feather pillow out of your washing machine. And out of the filters. And off the floor of the laundry room. And out of the floor drain. And out of the dryer filters. And probably from every remote corner of your house for the next 50 years.

And even your extreme disappointment in yourself won’t equal the look your cat gives you when he sees the feathers, that says ‘Why didn't you call me for the main course?’

Ah, but only five more days until the weekend.

Very Vexing

I got this from Soxy Deb at Postcards from the Edge.

She did it a few days ago and offered it up to all willing victims. I volunteered to take a letter off her hands, but pleaded for it not to be X. She gave me V. I must've pissed her off, but I love a challenge so here's how it works: You have to list 10 of your favorite things, but they have to start with a certain letter (assigned to you by the blog owner).

1. Velcro - This stuff is amazing and has about 17 gazillion uses. One time we went to this place that was all filled with those huge blow up things. One was a trampoline-type where you put on this whole suit made out of the loopy side and jumped up and threw yourself at the wall covered with the hooky side. I don't know what made me think it was going to be fun. I hung there with the deepest, most painful wedgie and all I could think about was how many other buttcracks that suit had already visited since its last cleaning. Okay, that wasn't a good example, but when it's used responsibly, I do love Velcro.

2. Valium - Okay, I've never actually used the stuff but I think it has saved my life a few times.

3. Vacuum - One of those things I hate to love. Vacuuming is not much fun but I have to love anything that can suck all that disgusting $hit out of my environment. Although, I was good with the old ones that had the disposable bags so you didn't have to see every bit of skin, pet hair and... what is all that crud, anyway?

4. Vodka - Needs no explaining. Probably the best thing to come out of Russia, which, incidently is part of the Vodka Belt. Who knew.

5. Vikings - You can take the girl out of the 'Otas, but you can't take the desire to be perennially disappointed by the Minnesota Vikings out of the girl. No, I'm not a football fan but I play one when I talk to my father.

6. Vowels - Wrtng wld b vry hrd wtht vwls.

7. Vegetables - Some I like more than others... loves my broccoli and brussel sprouts... and squash and peppers. Can't do cooked peas or corn off the cob... or anything canned. I love a good stir fry but not when they just barely heat the veggies. Warm, raw veggies just aren't right.

8. Vasectomies - Pretty self-explanatory. Too bad these can't be voted on by the general public.

9. Valentines - As long as there is chocolate involved... or diamonds.

10. Variety - I'm bored easily. I was ready to switch letters at about number 5. But I stuck with it and I didn't even have to use vag!na or v!brator or even v!rg!in. Yay me.

If anyone else out there is game, just let me know and I'll toss a letter your way. And no, it won't be X.

Tydee bowl tongue

You probably wouldn't know it from reading my blog... where I try to maintain a certain, ahem, decorum, but I have a bit of a potty mouth. Here I worry too much about the blog police sending me to cyber-jail... or whatever the heck happens. See? Heck. I wrote heck. That wouldn't have happened in real life where every word you say doesn't hang around FOREVER like it does in internetland.

I don't want to give you the impression that I'm gunning for Howard Stern's job or anything. I don't think I use any, um, colorful words just for the fun of it, but I guess I have kicked it up a bit lately because today my TA (trusty assistant) asked me if she was being a bad influence on me. I told her no, I learned most of those words before she was even born. *sigh*

I blame much of it on my kids. I became pretty good about censoring myself when the girls were little. There is nothing like having your 4-year-old yell 'SON of a bitch!' in the grocery store when you tell her they are out of Cocoa Cruchies, to stiffen your resolve to clean up your language. As they got older my lips loosened a bit. I know, I know. I should still be trying to set a good example. So withdraw my mother-of-the-year nomination. There are so many other reasons that I couldn't win anyway.

The thing is, now that I can't hear very much, I guess I assume that other people can't either, and what I intend to be said under my breath, apparently is not... judging from the looks I get. So, I guess I am going to have to take Diane up on her offer to teach me to swear in sign language. Either that or join the Navy.

So, are you totally shocked?

Sugar is SO SaWEET!

I told you we got a big LCD TV for Christmas, no? Well, we've been playing Wii and watching movies on it since Santa dropped it off but we hadn't gotten around to messing with the antenna so that we could get some actual TV on the TV. I was under the impression that the antenna we had didn't work because one of the girls, Omega I believe, told Homer she hooked it up and... it didn't work. So Homer, being slightly more techy than PepperAnn, told me... it didn't work.

But we vowed to have reception by January 2nd at 6pm so we could watch our University of Utah football team totally send Alabama out with the tide. Plenty of time, right?

Well, of course it came down to Friday when I had to Google this whole confusing HDTV/digital business to try to make some sense out of how to get a signal... too cheap for cable or dish, remember? So Homer bought a new coax cable that in theory would hook to the rooftop antenna and travel through the house and down two floors on the exact same path as the old but inadequate wire.

Homer had it all set at both ends and was waiting for me to get home from work because he wanted 'someone responsible on both ends'. I didn't quite understand who was going to be up on the roof with HIM but I was at the bottom and I was supposed to just 'pull the cable through'.

Yeah. I'm sure you know it didn't work that well. The dumb thing wouldn't fit through the conduit and somehow I ended up on the roof end and was still there when a raging storm blew in. Rain/sleet/snow and BIG wind. Did I mention that I pulled the end off Homer's 'Fifty effing dollar cable'!?!? And we had to pull out a copper tube, no doubt for no reason. Oh and I almost lost the connector down the heinous hole that we had to dig in the roofing. Ugh, that's going to be a mess to fix, but we finally found a last minute, temporary work around - running the cable through the swamp cooler and into the closet and down a hole... finally arriving at the TV, where I worked the connector back on the end of the cable just in time for the Sugar Bowl!

And even though I changed into my thickest sweats and wrapped myself in a down blanket it still took me most of the first half to warm up. But it was all worth it because it turned out to be the biggest night EVER in the history of Utah football because much to the surprise of everyone who doesn't live in Utah, we beat Alabama! Woo-hoo!

Apparently we can thank Coach Saban and all the people who said we didn't deserve to play in that game for the victory. Nothing like a little disrespect to fire our boys UP! Way UP!

So my Utes are the only undefeated D-1 school in the country. I know all the controversy going on but I'm just going to say, UTAH IS NUMBER 1 in my book!

I hope to be back after dinner to catch up with everyone... but first I hear some tamales calling my name. Yum!

Gimme Some SUGAR!!!

Happy New Year people!

How's 2009 treating you? Are you over all the wild partying you did on NYE? My neighbor and I watched TWO movies and drank a BIG bottle of margaritas.

(Hey, wild is relative.)

It wasn't quite so funny on New Year's morning but most definitely worth it.

I got the news from my doctors on Wednesday that all my brain and blood tests came back fine. You would think that would be a good thing, but that just means that they still have no idea what is wrong with my ears and thus have no idea how to fix them. I am taking another type of medication as a last ditch effort. I go back in six weeks and if there's been no improvement they will consider it to be permanent. Yay me.

That's going to be the last of that bad news. My first resolution of the new year is to get over it and move on to whatever be the alternatives so... unless there is a positive development, I'm done with that subject. I know, I'm sick of it, too.

So there's that, but my main resolution is to finish up all the incomplete home projects that are dangling over my head. Since that alone will probably suck up all my free time for 2009, there will be no other promises made to myself. I'll take you on a riveting tour of my abandoned projects at a later date, but for right now I will start by finishing my Christmas blog....

First your basic Christmas tree...

except it's not yours, it belongs to ME.

Yes, I'm somewhat of a camera drip.

That's why the photo misses the tip.

(But notice how cute Tinkle Boy looks in his Santa duds.)

A Christmas Miracle, oh so fine...
a man doing two things at one time!

(It's probably worth mentioning that he flubbed up the fire MAJORLY and the house filled with smoke so we had to open the windows when it was like ZERO degrees outside, not to mention the insane wind that was blowing... okay I did mention it... so women: ixnay on encouraging the ulti-taskingmay in your home. Some things just aren't meant to be.)

The buns were all warmed by the chimney with care...

Soon Juicy jacket sister-love flowed everywhere.

CatOne got some ribbon.

Yum, yum says the Dude.

And he won't even share, how totally rude!
But enough about us, a new year's begun.

(Which has nothing to do with this picture, I just like it.)

Here's wishing you peace and a nap in the sun

(as well as a significant lack of corny rhymes).

Happy 2009!!

But wait! There's more!!!

The Sugar Bowl is tonight.

GO UTAH!!

(and if you all could just look past all the formatting problems that I'm having... thanks, 'preciate ya!)