Meeting Madness

Brain Dead
byJane

I sat in a meeting today.
So much of nothing to say.
They all droned on
As I did yawn.
This job is not worth the pay.

Acronyms and jargon did fly.
Too many letters to try
To grasp all the crap
That they shoved in my lap.
Could somebody just tell my Y.?

My eyes they started to glaze.
My mind got lost in a haze.
I just wasn't able
To keep my head off the table
So they said 'Is that how she prays?'

'Yada, yada... yada some more.'
'Eighty, 6%, 3.4'
Stop talking you guys!
I'm beyond sounding wise,
Cuz my brain has slid to the floor!

I'm a bit sprung

I'm almost happy to be back to the office job today... almost. I'm not going to say 'back to work' because that would make it sound like the rest of my life is just naps and needlepoint.

Saturday was pretty swell. I punished myself with a few hours of housework and then spent 3 or 4 hours with Alpha, shopping for a prom dress. She must have tried on over 50 dresses at two malls. The dress she finally picked out will surely stop a few hearts, especially when you add the updo and silver, high-heeled sandals. We tried to talk her into lower heels, for comfort's sake, but she feels that a girl should take full advantage of having a boyfriend who is 6'4". She makes a good arguement. Yesterday, she practiced walking around the house in the sandals, looking all DaisyDuke in her short, shorts and 6 miles of leg.

Saturday night I met Cindy and Angie for dinner and margaritas. That was so fun, but next time I'm going to get a big girl marg, like they had... mine ran out much too soon. Then I went home, watched most of the Jazz game and crraasshheddd!!! Whoever says that shopping is relaxing? They lied!

Sunday was the killer. It was beautiful weather so I mowed the lawn and did a bunch of tidying around the yard. Our house is on the side of a hill and there is a retaining wall on one side of the front yard. It has always looked a bit screwy where it ties into the street, so I decided to see what I could do. I thought it would be a matter of adding 2 blocks to the current configuration. Haha! Yeah, 12 blocks later, it's fixed. That doesn't sound like a big deal unless you take into figuration that the 12 blocks had to be toted from the back yard and then laid at least 10 times each, because by now you know me well enough to know that they had to be level 6 ways and perfectly aligned front to back. I am paying in my shoulder and butt muscles today. My fingers are raw from handling the blocks... yes, I do know I should have worn gloves but it was only going to be TWO blocks, remember? And my back is killing me, not because of the lifting, but because of the 2" slice of skin that peeked out between my tank top and shorts... that place where I didn't think to put sunscreen. And my feet are a bit angry because I recklessly dove into a full day of flip-flopping without properly breaking in my toe crotches. But enough whining! My body parts and I have been begging for spring to come and the weather to warm so we just need to buck up and take it like the woman we are... I am... whatev.

Never fear, though, the lovely weather is scheduled to end on Wednesday. Maybe it's good that it doesn't come all at once... gives me time to lick my wounds and do a little needlepoint. Ha... as if. Does anyone even do needlepoint anymore?

Later: I have now linked my dinner partners to their sites, so that no other innocent bloggers will be marked with the shame of having fraternized with crazy Jane. It was fun, but it went so dang fast.
One of the funny moments:
"OMG, I'm having a hot flash... can you tell?"
"Uh uh."
"Really? I mean, can't you feel that?"
The other two hold up their hands as if warming them on a fire.
"Nope"
"Not at all."

Anything you say can and will be used against you...

Thursday morning Love talk in Jane's kitchen:

Jane: There's the leash you were looking for.
(Jane opted not to help Homer look for the dog's leash last night, so he used the belt from her leather coat to walk the dog in an attempt to agitate and punish her for not finding the leash for him. Another time he used an extension cord.)

Homer, sputters: Uh.
(He wants to say 'How the heck did I miss that?' but that would be too much like admitting this was not Jane's fault.)

Jane: It was right there on the counter...

Homer: Well, it's supposed to be hung up behind the door.

Jane: ... where you always leave it... on that counter there.

Homer: Yeah, but you're supposed to pick up after me.

Jane , turns to hug Alpha goodbye and whispers: I'm going to kill him.

Alpha: Okay, just wait until Omega and I are gone.

Homer: Wait for what?

Alpha (smiles): You'll see. (reconsiders) No, you probably won't see... not if she does it right.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Have a super weekend every buddy!
Don't even worry about Homer...

Jane the Jazz Jinx

I'm a big Jazz fan. That's the one with the capital J and capital NBA. I used to watch religiously while Reverend Sloan preached maturity and hard work and sent his disciples out on the floor to spread the word of Stockton to Malone. And Reverend Sloan saw it and it was good... uh, sorry, they were good and they made it to the finals 2 years in a row only to get knocked down by Lucifer Jordan. Kid-ding. Well kind of.

Those were the good old days... and then the veterans started leaving. Some retired, some ran off to hook up with other teams that were believed to have title hopes. Sloan ended up with a whole new class of kindergartners... who had their problems... which I won't go into. Interest 'round these parts dropped off considerably. Mine did, too. Then things started getting interesting again when the Jazz snagged a couple of good players, made some smart draft choices and I don't know... maybe lured them to practice with the promise of double frosting in their cookies.

Anyway, the Jazz, if not a great team, at least became fun to watch... so I went back. Well, I TRIED to go back. The regular season games that I went to were great... loved the new look and they usually won.
Then last year they made the playoffs and they lost every game I watched. I think they were down like 3-0 in the first round. So I stopped watching... and they began to win. They won the series. From there on out, every time I turned on the tv, they stunk up the gym.
Jane doesn't watch: Jazz get big lead.
Jane turns on the game: Jazz throw the lead into the toilet.
I'm not a superstitious person but how do you explain a pattern like this?

I don't remember if I told you about it last year and I'm too lazy to go back and look, but Cindy would text me updates whenever they played so that I wouldn't be tempted to turn on the telly. Homer chased me from the family room and would even sweep through the house periodically to make sure I hadn't tuned in on another tv. Sometimes they would call me to watch the last 30 seconds or so if there was at least a 10 point lead. No worries that anyone would let me actually GO to a game. Seriously, I became known as The Jazz Jonah.

Like childbirth, I guess I blocked out the pain of last year's playoffs... until Friday night. I got a text from Cindy who was in Florida: R u watchin?
Crap! No, I wasn't watching. I forgot about it. I turned on the set and texted back: I wasn't but i m now.
They had a 12 point lead over the Rockets, which I watched them quickly squander.
Text from Cindy: Ok stop watching.
She was nice enough to blame the officials but I knew better. So I tuned in again in the 3rd quarter - just to test my theory... yep, same result.
From there on out I had to settle for updates. They won.
Last night was the same thing. The Jazz won again and they now head home for 2 games and hopefully polish off those Rockets. As long as I don't watch, I suppose.

So I'm looking for advice. How do I break this kind of curse? I am really not content to go through another round of playoffs getting kicked to the locker room. After all, this year? This year the Jazz have
this HERE:

Definitely the cutest thing to happen to basketball in... forever.
What?! We could be the next Ashton and Demi...

We may have to chat about those socks, though...

he said... she said...

Saturday afternoon at Jane Central...

Jane: Something... something... mumble, mumble... living with pigs...
Homer: I don't know why you are complaining, last Saturday we did all the cleaning for you.
Jane: In... what... dream?
Homer: I can't believe you don't remember. We spent all day Saturday cleaning the house so it would be nice for your birthday.
Jane: I can't believe YOU don't remember that I spent the whole day cleaning so it would be nice for my birthday!
Homer: See, it really doesn't pay for us to help out if you don't even notice.
Jane: Girls? What did you clean last Saturday?
Alpha: Maybe my room?
Omega: Just the usual...
Homer: Well, I did a lot more than usual! I picked up all my stuff AND put away my skis.
Jane: So basically you were just a little more considerate than you typically are?
Homer: YEAH! ... I mean no... there's no right answer to that, is there?

A victory is so much more delicious when you can turn your opponent on himself.

New heights of narcissism

My list

My love: Family
My addiction: Sleep
My sport: Basketball
My obsession: Reason
My dream: Beaches
My food: Thai
My treat: Sleep
My pastime: Creating
My music: Rock
My craving: Solitude
My happiness: Doing
My fear: Evil
My weakness: Soda
My scent: Fresh
My foolishness: Sugar
My relaxation: Water
My joy: Daughters
My color: Blue
My time: Now
My need: Sunshine
My fantasy: Order
My crazy: Chaos
My rock: Me
My soul: Pepperann
My security: Knowledge
My heart: Daddy
My secret: Depression
My wish: Health
My reward: Shoes
My determination: Life
My indulgence: Television
My pursuit: Happiness

My day: Friday

Very deep